These Advice from A Parent Which Rescued Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"I think I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of fatherhood.

But the actual experience soon became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a chat with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You need assistance. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader reluctance to talk between men, who continue to absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a sign of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a respite - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the expression of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "terrible choices" when younger to modify how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - processing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, at times I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."